Author Archive

Sometimes when I make presentations about prevention of child sexual abuse based on my second book, I get a question about why I had decided to intervene to find a way to protect two female minors from possible sexual abuse. The following are some of the reasons as to why I had decided to intervene:

• I felt the children were at risk
• Charlie (the convicted sex offender in my story) had not shared his background information with the single mother
• He denied that he had done anything wrong
• He had violated probation twice
• He was again violating probation guidelines
• I did not see any signs of a reformed person
• I became aware of some actions that looked to me like “grooming”
• His previous crime was against a 11-year old girl, about the ages of the children I was concerned about
• He was identified as a “predatory offender”
• He fantasized about young girls of ages about 12-13
• I felt “prevention” meant doing something “before” it happened
• As a responsible adult, I felt the need to make sure they were safe
• It would not have been any good if I waited for something to happen first!!!

When I make a presentation focusing on long term psychological impact of bullying, based on my first book, I emphasize the fact that the presentation is a unique combination of a number of timely issues such as mental illness stigma, acceptance of cultural differences, bias-based bullying, and mental health impact. The presentation illustrates a definitive connection between prolonged childhood bullying, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and development of one of the more severe forms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) later in life.

I like to address the issue of mental health stigma because there are still a lot of adults who do not pay sufficient attention to possible mental health issues that their children might be experiencing. It is very important for the children to get professional help as soon as possible so it does not become a long-term issue. I also like to communicate the message that it’s okay to be different, and that it is important to accept the fact that people can be different in a number of ways.

Long-lasting psychological impact of bullying is an extremely serious issue that often goes unnoticed and undetected during school years. School administration and staff often believe that once a student (who was a victim of bullying while in school) graduates, there is no impact any more. The purpose of this presentation is to emphasize the fact that for millions of victims of school bullying, that is not the case – in fact, many of them suffer for years because of mental health issues triggered by bullying. It is very likely that if these students had received appropriate guidance and assistance during school years the mental health impact would not have been as severe.

I continue to receive a lot of comments on my book about workplace bullying (How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer). It is clear that many individuals around the country have experienced or are experiencing significantly negative environment at their workplaces.

In the comments I received there are always a lot of discussions about the role of the Human Resources (HR) Department. Many of the comments seem to indicate that a lot of people believe that “HR will never do anything because HR is there simply to support the employer”.

I really do not agree with that comment. HR departments are typically very helpful in maintaining a positive and rewarding environment at workplaces. Of course, the department will have to be dedicated to the cause. Good HR departments realize that to truly help their employers, they will need to keep the employees satisfied and motivated. If the employees are not happy, it would mean that the HR department is not doing a good job.

In my book I talk about a story where the HR department was not doing a good job and that created a negative situation for the organization. The bottom line is that HR needs to take care of the employees for the ultimate success of the company.

One main reason for me to write the book about bullying and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is to reach out to many individuals across the world who are suffering from the same mental health disorder (OCD) and let them know that I have successfully battled against this disease and they can too.

Here is another excerpt from my book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”, a note for OCD sufferers:

“This is why I especially wanted to reach out to my fellow OCDers who are struggling hard with their illness today. I want to tell you that I truly know how you are feeling and understand what you are living with on a day-to-day basis. If there was any way that I could get you to the better place where I am finally at today, please believe me that it would already be done. In spite of your ongoing hardships, I hope that my story can still provide you with hope and inspiration for your own progress in the near future. No matter how bad things may be for you right at this moment, I pray that you will never give up on yourself and your ability to someday, somehow get better. Regardless of how long you have been at the mercy of this crippling illness, please believe me when I say THERE CAN STILL BE LIFE AFTER OCD… and that your future can indeed be wonderful enough to see you through your hardships today. As long as a person remains alive, so, too, does the chance for change.

Last but not least, my dear friend, from one true OCDer to another: please think about my story in your darkest of moments and never give up on yourself.”

I use my book and presentations to continue to deliver the message that bullying during school years can lead to devastating long-term mental health impact. It is true that it does not happen to everyone who has been bullied, but it does happen to many victims of bullying. We must continue to work hard to maintain a bully-free environment in all schools.

Even now there are folks out there who strongly support the idea that “bullying is not a big issue” and believe that all children must learn to defend themselves no matter what. Well, every child has a personality and they are not all the same. If a child is able to ignore the bullying and/or able to defend himself or herself, that is great. But there are many others who are not able to do so, and that is not their fault. It’s important that parents and school staff understand that they must focus on the fact that the school environment needs to be safe for “ALL” children, not just the ones who are able to take care of themselves.

The problem is that when a child is having trouble with a mental health disorder, it is not always visible outside. In my case, I was able to hide it for 5 years, and finally opened up when it became almost impossible to carry on with day-to-day activities. School staff must be trained to detect issues and must learn how to work with parents to help the students. If these students can get some professional help right at the time when they are being bullied, then it is likely that they will be able to avoid ling-term issues. Adults must keep in mind that for most children being bullied is an extremely stressful and traumatic event.

I have been receiving a lot of comments on my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”. Interestingly, the comments cover a number of different aspects associated with bullying and harassment in the workplace.

First of all, from the comments I have received over the years since the publication of my book, it is clear that there are many people who have experienced workplace bullying and harassment, and have suffered because of it. I know that some people are able to either ignore it and move on, or just quit and get a different job. But there are many others for whom it has caused significant stress and suffering.

The comments fall into a number of different categories:

1. There are many who have experienced significant workplace bullying and have had to deal with a lot of stress and hostility, and finally quit their jobs to find a different job because they did not know what to do or how to handle the situation
2. There are some who ended up with various mental health disorders and ended up unemployed
3. There are some who were able to ignore it and were able to go on with their daily activities
4. There are some who apparently took some aggressive steps against the employer and were able to make a difference

The purpose of writing this book is to make the point that everyone has a right to be treated fairly in their workplace. But if they do find themselves in an undesirable situation, it is important for them to know what steps to take to defend themselves.

Over the last few years I have had many opportunities to speak about prevention of child sexual abuse at conferences around the country. These presentations of course have been based on my book titled “Father figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”. I am always excited about the opportunity to speak on this topic especially to school psychologists, school counselors, school social workers as well as to all caregivers who look after children. All professionals in these categories often have close contact with children, some of whom might be going through or facing abusive situations.

My book and presentation is all about intervention and prevention. All attendees will be exposed to the true account story in my book that focuses on the risks children might face and how one can intervene to prevent possible abusive situations. I typically focus on the following objectives:

Participants will learn how to become more effective in intervening and preventing situations that could lead to child sexual abuse, through multidisciplinary coordination.

Participants will develop a clear understanding of the kinds of changes needed in our systems to become more effective in “preventing” a possibly abusive scenario.

Attendees will also learn how to detect situations where immediate intervention is necessary and appropriate and what the associated legal issues might be.

After many of my speeches at schools around the country I often receive emails from students who are dealing with various mental health issues, often a result of being bullied. I always try to provide support and guidance and at times work with the school so the child receives adequate professional help. But it is clear that many children around the country are still experiencing psychological impact from bullying. It is a serious issue that requires continued attention.

It is also very clear that there is still a lot of stigma around someone having to deal with a mental health issue. I can relate to that very well since I had kept my own mental health issue a secret for five years. Now I encourage everyone to open up and talk about any mental health issues that they might be struggling with so they can receive proper treatment.

Children often do not open up about their mental health issues simply because they are not sure that the adults around them would be supportive and helpful. When I speak at a school setting, children get the message that I would be someone who would certainly understand what they might be going through and that’s why they reach out to me.

Both the school staff and parents have a significant role in this. It is critically important for school staff to provide adequate attention to children being bullied at school. There are times when I have been able to speak to parents about this. I try to make the point that parents should be careful not to minimize these issues, and instead, take it seriously and seek out adequate professional help for their children.

We need to continue our work in this area to remove this stigma all around so more and more adults will become receptive and understanding when it comes to dealing with mental health issues.

On many occasions I have had the opportunity to speak on the topic of prevention of child sexual abuse. This presentation is based on my book titled “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” which describes a true account story. I have spoken to school counselors, school psychologists and social workers, school principals, child protection workers, child care providers, etc at many different conferences and professional events.  I have also spoken to parents and the general public at several community events. The presentation focuses on the numerous challenges involved in working with the “systems” in trying to prevent a situation that could lead to child sexual abuse.

Purpose of the presentation is as follows:

• To describe a true account story that focuses on prevention of child sexual abuse
• The story is about “intervention” and “prevention” and the numerous challenges faced in the process
• To bring about an awareness of the associated issues that require immediate attention
• To emphasize the fact that the challenges can be overcome if we are truly conscientious about prevention and are willing to work through a multidisciplinary approach
• And finally, some comments about what could have been done differently in this specific case to promote a more preventive mindset

It is an extremely important topic because:

• Child sexual abuse is a major issue even though we don’t really seem to want to talk much about it
• It has been established through studies that even one episode can impact the life of a victim for many years

I have spoken at many conferences and community events about acceptance of diversity. I have also been a panelist and a podcast guest speaking about accepting people from different spheres of life. The contents of my presentations and discussions are typically based on my personal experiences as described in my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder” as well as from my latest book titled “Minority Viewpoint – my experience, as a person of color, with the American Justice System”.

This presentation/discussion is focused on three key objectives – acceptance of differences in people around you, being kind and respectful to others as opposed to negative behavior such as bias-based bullying, and focusing on self-acceptance so you can achieve success in life.  It includes description of devastating long term impact of bullying that was based on non-acceptance of diversity. It also includes description of negative bias that any person of color might experience. The purpose of this presentation is to motivate everyone to respect others because mistreatment can cause serious life-long impact.

I share my personal stories to inspire everyone to be accepting of people irrespective of their differences and to be kind and respectful in their day-to-day behavior towards others. This discussion focuses on devastating long-term impact of mistreatment (or bullying) that is based on cultural/racial differences. When a person is mistreated because of differences in how he looks or how his name is spelled, the long term impact can be devastating.  During my discussions I use my specific example to make the point that any mistreatment (whether it is based on cultural differences or any other differences) can have similar negative results. My presentation describes my two decades of battle and recovery from obsessive compulsive disorder, a devastating mental illness, triggered because of this mistreatment, and everyone is able to relate to that. The presentation/discussion also includes description of negative experiences I have had over the years in everyday life.