Author Archive

Yesterday, our governor Tim Walz just extended the “stay at home” order for all Minnesotans till May 4. I really support this extension because I strongly believe that this is the only way to keep ourselves safe from this dangerous virus. During the press conference on Wednesday, the governor shared some very useful information that is also extremely encouraging. He showed data to demonstrate that there are clear signs that the number of cases in Minnesota is following a much flatter curve compared to many of the other states where numbers have gone up much more rapidly. The data shows that if we continue to focus on social distancing and staying home, it is very likely that out health care system will be able to handle the situation when we do reach the inevitable peak. And that should result in minimizing the number of deaths.

I know that all of us are extremely frustrated for not being able to resume our normal lifestyle. But we need to continue to follow the governor’s guidelines because that is only way we can keep ourselves and others as safe as possible.

By the way, my publisher is continuing the special promotional offer for my books till April 20. She thought it will be a good time for people to read books while they are stuck at home. That’s why she decided to offer the books (ebook version) at no charge. I thought this was a great suggestion. So if anyone is interested in receiving a free ebook version of any of my books, please go to the following:

Bit.ly/2tdyFRD

Well, here in Minnesota, we are in our first week of the 2-week ‘stay at home’ order. It appears that most Minnesotans are trying to do their best to stay at home as much as possible and maintain social/physical distance when they are outdoors. Let us hope it is making a significant impact in our fight against the virus. Unfortunately, we would not know the impact until after the 2-week period. At that point, the governor will decide if it would be better to continue the order for another couple of weeks or it would be okay to relax the order. I believe we need to do whatever it takes to slow down the spread of this dangerous virus – if that means we need to stay home for some more time, then that’s what we should do.

Looking around the country it appears that some of the states are still not incorporating a ‘stay at home’ order or a ‘shelter in place’ order. I believe they need to learn from some of the other states (and from countries like China and South Korea) and do this now rather than later. We are clearly learning that it is very important to hunker down early to be able to beat this virus quickly. If you wait until you start seeing more cases, you are giving the virus an upper hand. I sincerely hope all the states implement this approach as soon as possible.

As we all spend most of our time at home, the children might end up spending a lot of time online and communicating with their friends. Parents should keep in mind that this can often lead to more cyber bullying, which can be stressful for the children. There are also other online threats. That’s why it is important for parents and adults to maintain a closer watch on the children’s online activities.

Things continue to remain extremely stressful for all of us in this country, and for that matter, for many many people around the world. In our country the number of cases is still growing at a rapid rate and along with that, unfortunately, the number of deaths is also escalating. We still don’t see any signs of the spread of the virus slowing down in the near future. I heard yesterday from the governor of New York that they are seeing some signs that the social distancing seems to be working. Our governor of Minnesota just ordered “Stay at Home” yesterday for all of us for two weeks, till April 10.

The good news is that data from other countries such as China and South Korea show that we will get over this difficult period. The question is how long will it take for us to get there. We just need to hunker down and live through this period.

In the meantime, my publisher has decided to make a special promotional offer for my books during this difficult time for our country. She thought it will be a good time for people to read books while they are stuck at home. That’s why she decided to offer the books (ebook version) at no charge till April 20. I thought this was a great suggestion. So if anyone is interested in receiving a free ebook version of any of my books, please go to the following:

bit.ly/2tdyFRD

Many individuals are unfortunately out of work at this difficult time. I hope that we will be able to get over this phase soon and everyone will be able to get back to work again. And once they are back at work, I also hope that they will all face positive work environments.

Things are really difficult at this time. For most of us, we have not seen this ever in our lifetimes. No one really knows how long it will be before we can get back to some level of normalcy and once again start doing things that we have all been used to doing, like going to restaurants, going to the movies, going to our gyms, etc. We can only hope that sometime in the near future we will see some positive changes, and things will return to normal.

I really feel concerned about all the Americans who have just lost their jobs recently because of this pandemic. I sincerely hope that financial stimulus from our government will make some difference for the time being. I also hope that everyone will get their jobs back once things start getting back to normal. I just hope and pray that that day is not too far away.

Sexual abuse can happen to any child at any time – that is why it is critical that the adults around the children are able to maintain a watchful eye on each and every child they are responsible for. This is an ongoing task until the children become adults,

This is the main point that I wanted to emphasize in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”. In the true account story I describe in the book I wanted to illustrate a situation where I felt two young children were at risk for possible sexual abuse. I was able to get the extended family members involved in working with the child protective services and law enforcement to protect the children. This was important because prevention means doing something before something bad happens. If we wait until something actually happens, then it will already be too late.

Things are happening all around the children at all times. That is why it is important for the adults around the children to look at this as an ongoing task. Children get involved with many different things as they grow, but we must always keep an eye open for any red flags at all times. Risks to children can come from many different directions and at many different times, but if we continue to remain vigilant, we are more likely to be able to keep the children safe.

We always have to keep in mind that the children are not able to protect themselves – they need the help of the adults around them to keep them safe.

Sustained bullying often triggers various mental health disorders for the victims. These can result in significant issues for the future of the victims. No child deserves this. That is one of the main reasons why bullying must be prevented.

The main purpose of bullying is to exert control over another individual, and in the process, make that individual feel horrible about himself or herself. Especially when a person is being bullied with a number of bystanders watching and laughing, it has a significant negative impact on the victim’s self-esteem. If this kind of blow to the self-esteem happens on a regular basis, then it is easy to see why and how this can trigger mental health disorders for the victims.

Now that I have spoken at numerous events in different states around the country, I have had the opportunity to meet many victims of childhood bullying. In a significant number of cases, the victims have described having to deal with severe mental health disorders triggered because of being bullied. And often it changes the course of a person’s life like it did in my case. I have met some grown-up adults, in their forties or fifties, still feeling the negative impact of childhood bullying.

More and more schools are providing appropriate trainings to their staff members about this matter. This is extremely important because some of these mental health disorders can start impacting children at a very young age. If school staff are appropriately trained, then it is possible that they might be able to detect some of these issues while the victims are still young. If these children are treated properly at an early age, we can hope that the negative impact on their lives will not be as significant.

There are times when employees have to deal with some stressful situations at their workplaces just because of the kind of work they do. They do not need any additional bullying and/or harassment from their managers or supervisors.

Most employees face some level of stress almost every day as they carry out their day-to-day activities at the workplace. Whether one is working in a restaurant or in a department store or in a hospital or in a bank or whatever the workplace might be, there is always some level of stress that one has to deal with on a regular basis. That is part of the job. The stress levels are of course different depending on the work setting and the level of a person’s position at the workplace, but no matter what, everyone faces some level of work stress on a regular basis. That is why it is important that there are no other additional stresses imposed on the employees.

In fact, it is a manager’s or a supervisor’s responsibility to make sure that they are providing the appropriate level of support to the employees so they are able to manage their work stress. Instead, if the employees receive bullying and/or harassment from their managers and supervisors, it only adds to the employees’ stress level. These situations will most likely lead to significant personal issues for the employees, specifically in terms of their mental health.

In summary, it is important for all managers and supervisors to understand that it is their responsibility to maintain a positive and supportive workplace so the employees can perform their tasks with minimum amount of stress.

Each and every child deserves full protection against sexual abuse. All adults, and specifically, family members and family friends must be willing to work together to keep the children safe from any possible risks of sexual abuse.

The true account story I describe in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” emphasizes the fact that all adults around the children are responsible for the children’s safety. In that story I was a family friend and I detected a significant risk to the children and therefore I decided to do my best to keep them protected. There were many frustrations and difficulties and roadblocks along the way. Many of my friends had tried to convince me that I should give up. But I didn’t, and that is the message I try to communicate to everyone – we simply cannot give up when it is about protecting children from possible risks of sexual abuse.

Interestingly, the person who worked diligently with me in this effort was also a family friend and a neighbor of the family. She too worked very hard with me all the way to make sure the children were protected. Like me, she also did not have any other motive other than finding a way to make sure the children were safe. She too faced difficulties and roadblocks, but we both decided to continue our efforts because it was critical to protect the children.

This is why I continue to promote the message that keeping the children safe is everyone’s responsibility.

Whenever I make a presentation based on my first book I get an opportunity to focus on both anti-bullying as well as mental health issues. I found it very effective in removing mental health stigma especially for school age children, which I believe is very important.

During the presentation I talk about my struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and how I persevered to take back control of my life. Here are some of the facts I talk about:

• My most crippling OCD symptoms consisted of my mentally picturing images of bullies who had tormented me in the past. These images would soon become further attached with an unspeakable irrational fear… that they would force me to hurt my loved ones if the images were not ‘neutralized.’
• For the first five years of my mental illness, my single greatest struggle and obstacle became simply telling someone what was going on. However, I was finally able to discuss this openly and got started with the therapy and medication that I needed to defeat OCD. At last, I was able to change my pessimistic perspective, willingly engage in cognitive behavioral therapy and begin to make significant progress with my illness. Eventually, I was able to derive a lasting positive impact after spending only 16 days in Rogers inpatient treatment facility.
• Today, I am thrilled to report that I have finally regained control over my once ever so incapacitating mental illness! Though my ordeal has now reached this much better point, there are millions of others out there who continue to struggle hard with similar issues on a daily basis. I am here to tell those fellow sufferers that this does not have to be their long-term fate. Just as I took back control of my life, they too are capable of freeing themselves from the powerful clutches of this or similar mental health issues.

Owners and managers who bully and harass their employees at work, have convinced themselves that there is no other way to get their employees to work their hardest. They need to understand that there are better ways to motivate employees for optimum performance.

In the true story I describe in my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”, it appeared to me that my supervisor simply did not seem to know of any other way of supervising. I felt that she was yelling at me whenever she was trying to talk to me about anything. Whenever she talked to me I felt that I was doing something wrong even when I knew for sure that I was not doing anything wrong. For some reasons she had accepted this notion that in order to supervise employees, she needed to yell almost all the time.

Organizations need to provide appropriate training to these managers and supervisors so they can maintain a positive and rewarding environment. And if, after appropriate training, some managers and supervisors are not able to change their approach, then they need to be removed from supervisory positions and placed in other non-supervisory positions. These are the two steps many organizations are not able to take. They often don’t provide appropriate training, or they do not try to find appropriate non-supervisory positions for the people who are not able to change their harassing and yelling approach even after receiving proper training. It is important for all organizations to keep in mind that maintaining a bully-free atmosphere is a key to overall success.