Author Archive

Here is an excerpt from my book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder” regarding some of my thoughts about my residential treatment at the Rogers Memorial Hospital:

“While the staff at Rogers is very educated, helpful, supportive, and encouraging, do not rely on their efforts alone to “program” you. In spite of how talented they are, the staff cannot do the job for you or make your program succeed. Ultimately, your success in the program at Rogers will involve you finally having to face your toughest fears and embrace the same old awful discomfort you have put so much of your time and energy into avoiding at all costs. In my case, I went to Rogers fully believing that I would be taught some great, almost magical method which I could use to defeat my illness, and that I would be pampered by the staff after all of my difficult years. In reality, you will continue to use the same skills you learn at Rogers on your own in your personal home environment long after you’ve been discharged. Do not rely on staff to coddle, protect, or enable you to continue to avoid facing your fears as other people in your life may have done in the past. There is no magical secret to the program or any easier, shortcut method to defeat OCD besides facing those same old ugly fears you’ve avoided now for ages. However, Rogers will provide you the unique opportunity to do so by following their proven approach, which will likely be a new experience for you. Do not feel intimidated or overwhelmed by this prospect when entering Rogers, but also remind yourself that this will require hard work on your behalf and a willingness to step outside of your usual comfort zone and face anxiety.

Cooperating with the resident psychiatrist and being open to possible changes in your medication regimen can provide immeasurable assistance in your battle with OCD. No one at Rogers can or will force you to do something you are not comfortable with. However, you must also remain willing to step outside of your usual comfort zone and at least try something different as recommended by the resident psychiatrist during your stay”.

I believe that all employers should try their best to make sure there is on bullying or harassment in their workplace. In my presentations I emphasize the following points that are critical for employers to keep in mind:

• Understand that it is important to maintain a positive and rewarding work environment for all employees
• Otherwise it can create significant negative outcomes including possible lawsuits
• Successful companies know that happy employees mean better results
• Promote a positive environment by proactively sending out the message that bullying and harassment are not tolerated
• Maintain appropriate processes and procedures for handling and investigating complaints and/or grievances from employees
• Maintain appropriate performance management processes including evaluation and development
• Follow through on complaints including feedback to the employees
• Absolutely no retaliation against employees for reporting issues

Here is an excerpt from my book “father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” about ordinary citizens getting involved if there is an opportunity to prevent abuse:

“If there is one message in this book to ordinary citizens everywhere; it is to fully realize, appreciate and understand the difference that we can each make in the life of a vulnerable child. This is only possible to achieve, of course, when we listen to our gut instinct and then choose to become involved. Right there are two of the simplest concepts that most people fail to apply on a daily basis. Yet, you can see how they played such key roles here in Father Figure. Oh sure it is nice to jump on the bandwagon when we hear such topics discussed at length on our favorite talk shows, but to follow one’s gut and become involved are things that most people don’t do.

Why is this so often the case? Well, most of us have busy lives and cannot easily find time to go out of our normal routines for a possible worthy cause. Also, when it comes to issues regarding someone’s family, we are raised to believe that families are to be respected and not interfered with. Certainly, people are frowned upon for being nosy and butting into the personal lives of others, let alone daring to question what a parent chooses to do with their own child.

Yet there can be situations, such as described in Father Figure, where interference becomes necessary; as I simply cannot imagine what Lisa and Laura’s lives would be like right now if I hadn’t chosen to intervene! Based upon what I had observed occurring in these young girls’ lives, doing the background check and everything else that followed was certainly warranted, and as you can see from reading Father Figure, the end result speaks for itself”.

I am looking forward to speaking at the MACMHP (Minnesota Association of Community Mental Health Programs) conference on September 13 about PTSD from bullying triggering devastating mental health disorders. In general, more people should know about how bullying can impact a victim’s life for many years beyond the school years.

The following is from the MACMHP website:

“As the leading professional association for community-based mental health providers, the Minnesota Association of Community Mental Health Programs (MACMHP) exists to ensure this essential safety net remains strong, vibrant and engaged. We do this by: 

• Serving as a proactive, unified voice of community mental health providers to drive public policy and advocate before the Minnesota legislature, the Governor and administrative departments.  

• Providing resources, training and networking to help community mental health organizations and their providers and staff thrive.

• Strengthening community mental health services through membership in the National Council for Behavioral Health.”

I am also excited about who the attendees would be at this conference. According to their website, this Annual Minnesota Association of Community Mental Health Programs (MACMHP) Conference draws over 400 attendees from government, academia, health care systems, and community care organizations as well as executives, finance directors and clinical directors from the State’s community mental health programs. I am looking forward to delivering my message to this well rounded group of mental health professionals and other supporting organizations.

My presentation about bullying and harassment in the workplace is appropriate for all employees irrespective of whether or not they are currently experiencing bullying or harassment in their workplace. It is important that all employees have a thorough understanding as to what kinds of things might constitute ‘harassment’ and what kinds of impact that might have. It is also critical for employees to understand what kinds of options they have in dealing with workplace bullying and harassment.

This presentation addresses the following:

• There are many individuals out there who are facing day-to-day oppressive atmosphere in the workplace and do not feel empowered to do anything about it
• For many individuals personal life is being affected significantly because of a very negative work situation, causing depression and other associated effects
• There are individuals who are facing one or more different forms of discrimination, but do not feel comfortable in standing up against it
• Many of them are wanting to take action, but do not know where to begin
• There are employees who are facing undeserved consequences for doing the right things at work, but feeling helpless in fighting back
• A lot of employees are not willing to report unjust activities at work (whistle blowing) because of fear of negative consequences
• Many employees are not aware of their rights in situations of this nature
• Some terminated employees are facing an unemployment hearing, but do not know how to prepare adequately to defend their positions

I wrote my first book (A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder) to emphasize the fact that bullying can have devastating long term impact on the victim’s life. However, I also wanted to remove stigma about mental illness. I want to make sure people understand that if you have a mental illness it is not your fault. It is simply an illness that you can recover from with the help of mental health professionals. It’s important to open up and let someone know so you can receive treatment.

For the first five years of my mental illness, my single greatest struggle and obstacle became simply telling someone what was going on. Before long, merely managing to function through an average day became the greatest challenge of all. I was finally able to discuss this openly at the age of 21 in 1997, and got started with the therapy and medication that I needed to defeat OCD. At last, I was able to change my pessimistic perspective, willingly engage in cognitive behavioral therapy and begin to make significant progress with my illness.

Whenever I make presentations on this topic, I make a point to emphasize the fact that mental illness is nothing other than an illness that can be treated. That’s why it made it more gratifying when I received the following comment from a middle school student following one of my presentations:

“Sumi, to be honest, you have been a HUGE inspiration to me. You came to my school a couple of times. Every single time, your story hit me. I have struggled with mental health problems for 5 years. OCD, suicide, panic disorder, etc. I’m slowly getting the help that I need. Hearing your story made me feel like I wasn’t alone… Like I’m not the only one who has to go to the door 7 times just to make sure that it’s locked. So thank you. I feel like your story and your life is a part of what has helped keep me alive today. Thank you”.

Last week I had posted the following comment on my facebook page:

“The point I try to make in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” is that in order to prevent child sexual abuse it is important to prevent situations that could possibly lead to abuse. Remaining involved in children’s lives and maintaining good communications are two important factors.”

I received a lot of interesting comments which are very useful and insightful. One person commented that in some situations the perpetrator is someone from within the family. That is an excellent point because in many cases that is exactly what can happen and that makes it very difficult for the other members of the family to act. That is why it is very important that services such as child protective services, Law enforcement, etc, need to be more active in a preventive situation.

However, if the risk is from outside the family, then the family members must work closely with the child protective services and law enforcement to work on preventive measures. The true account story I describe in my book, the possible threat was from an outsider, who had the support of an unsuspecting family member. In a situation like this, other family members need to work with external service providers to prevent the possibility of abuse. That is exactly what some of the family members eventually did in my story with good results, but it did take them a lot of time to act in this situation.

On Thursday August 3, I had my first presentation on workplace bullying and harassment based on my latest book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”. I made this presentation to a group of school bus drivers who work for a transportation company in La Mesa, CA.

The presentation was very well received and there was some excellent questions and/or comments during the discussion period. Once again, it became clear to me that it is a very relevant topic in our country today.

Here are a few comments I made about recommendations for employees in general:

• Read your employee handbook thoroughly
• Talk to HR about processes and procedures – about issues such as performance evaluation, harassment reporting, etc
• Thorough review and understanding of union’s rules, regulations and processes
• Learn about your state’s process for evaluating human rights violations
• Be mindful of what topics should be discussed at the workplace
• Follow union and HR processes if there is harassment
• Document everything about incidents, witnesses, HR response, etc. Keep in mind that most eyewitnesses will not come forward
• Do not tell anyone if you are considering taking legal action
• Be careful of emails, text messages, etc sent in connection with the situation
• Be prepared for a long battle – everything seems to take a lot of time

Often when I have had discussion groups about bullying prevention I encounter a few people who believe that the only way to prevent bullying (whether in schools or in the workplace) is to become physically aggressive. I don’t advocate that line of thinking. I don’t like the idea of a child growing up thinking bullying must be confronted with physical violence, and can then get into legal trouble as an adult for committing physical assault. That is why we need to continue to work on finding legally appropriate ways of fighting back and preventing all kinds of bullying.

I had a very interesting encounter with an ex-professional football player. This gentleman is now retired and works with school children promoting bullying prevention. He told me that even though he was always big and strong, he was bullied a lot during his school years and did not like it at all, and that is why he now works with children to prevent bullying. When I asked him if he ever fought back physically, he told me that he never did, because he grew up believing that one does not hurt another individual physically. Yes, you should be tough when you are playing the game of football – because the sport is all about blocking and tackling – but it’s not about hurting someone.

I totally understood his viewpoint because I absolutely believe in that approach. I am sure that when he was young he could have easily handled a couple of bullies physically, but he did not believe in doing that. It was good to see that a person who played a very physical sport as a profession, believes in non-violence and works with children to promote that approach.

It has now become abundantly clear to me that there are numerous individuals around the country who have faced or are currently facing bullying and harassment in the workplace. I receive countless useful comments whenever I post on my facebook page about my book on Workplace bullying.

However, I do find that many of the individuals believe that there is nothing they can do to fight against it. They feel powerless and believe that the only options are either to put up with it or to quit the job and find another. The point I try to make in my book is that everyone should feel empowered to at least try to do something about it before giving up because everyone deserves a bullying-free workplace.

Most larger companies are typically very sensitive about this issue and will try their best to maintain a positive and rewarding workplace. Many of these companies do have processes and procedures in place that allow employees to report grievances and receive reasonable results.

I do however agree that for small companies this may not always be true, especially if the boss himself or herself is the worst bully. But even in those situations it is important to explore other options such as state government organizations. Most states do have some organizations that would be willing to look into these situations to make sure human rights are not being violated. I agree that it may not always work, but if a person likes his or her job, it is worthwhile looking into these alternatives to see if some relief could be obtained.