Author Archive

Here is another excerpt from my recently published book “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”:

Many employees feel it is too risky to report inappropriate conduct involving their superiors to higher authorities, as was the case with many of my coworkers at the center. However, I firmly believe that officially disclosing your concerns in good faith is essential to protecting your rights in the long run and potentially building a case against your employer. After all, how was the unemployment law judge in my case able to correctly determine, over the telephone mind you, that I had been fired as a form of retaliation for my whistle-blowing activities? It is because there was a long line of documented concerns made by me to management, to the board of directors and to my employee union; all leading up to my wrongful termination. With a documented history of reported concerns, it becomes easier for the DHR or a judge or a lawyer to see how you were indeed a victim of retaliation. Once this pattern can be clearly established, the likelihood of prevailing and/or receiving a settlement naturally increases for you.

Along these lines, it is essential for you to disclose misconduct to your employer that may be either discriminatory and/or sexually offensive in nature. Remember, employers are not to punish or terminate you in response to your disclosing what you honestly perceive, in good faith, to be unlawful discrimination or sexual harassment occurring at the workplace. There are legal consequences for such improper actions. Even if the negative conduct you alleged is later found to have not actually consisted of discrimination and/or sexual harassment, it is still illegal for your employer to wrongfully punish or terminate you for disclosing your potential concerns of this nature. I believe this played a major role in my DHR claims against my employer. After all, nobody can dispute the fact that I was indeed fired exactly one week after I disclosed what I still believed to be gender discrimination toward me by both Hilda and Samantha Jackson. Had the center not wisely opted to settle with me during mediation, I am confident that the DHR would have found ‘probable cause’ at least in the form of retaliation for my disclosing perceived discrimination to my employer. Obviously, the center had realized that at some point in this process.

I am looking forward to my next presentation at the Illinois School Counselors Association conference in Rosemont, IL, on April 21. This presentation will be based on my book titled “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” and will discuss the numerous challenges involved in working with the “systems” in trying to prevent a situation that could lead to child sexual abuse.

Purpose of the presentation is as follows:

• To describe a true account story that focuses on prevention of child sexual abuse
• The story is about “intervention” and “prevention” and the numerous challenges faced in the process
• To bring about an awareness of the associated issues that require immediate attention
• To emphasize the fact that the challenges can be overcome if we are truly conscientious about prevention and are willing to work through a multidisciplinary approach
• And finally, some comments about what could have been done differently in this specific case to promote a more preventive mindset

It is an important topic because:

• Child sexual abuse is a major issue even though we don’t really seem to want to talk much about it
• It has been established through studies that even one episode can impact the life of a victim for many years

I felt honored to have an opportunity to speak at the Human Rights Conference on April 11 in Marshall, MN, sponsored by the Southwestern Center for Independent Living and Southwest Minnesota State University. The topic of my presentation was “Long lasting psychological impact of bias-based bullying”, which was based on my first book.

This presentation is focused on three key objectives – acceptance of differences in people around you, being kind and respectful to others as opposed to negative behavior such as bias-based bullying, and focusing on self-acceptance so you can achieve success in life. The presentation describes devastating long term impact of bullying that was based on non-acceptance of diversity. The purpose of this presentation is to motivate everyone to respect others because mistreatment can cause serious life-long impact.

I share my personal story to inspire everyone to be accepting of people irrespective of their differences and to be kind and respectful in their day-to-day behavior towards others. This specific presentation focuses on devastating long-term impact of mistreatment (or bullying) that is based on cultural/racial differences. When a person is mistreated because of differences in how he looks or how his name is spelled, the long term impact can be devastating. During my presentation I use my specific example to make the point that any mistreatment (whether it is based on cultural differences or any other differences) can have similar negative results. My presentation describes my two decades of battle and recovery from obsessive compulsive disorder, a devastating mental illness, triggered because of this mistreatment, and everyone is able to relate to that.

I am looking forward to my next presentation on Tuesday April 11. It will be at the Southwest MN Human Rights Conference addressing stereotyping, discrimination and other societal challenges. The conference is being hosted by Southwestern Center for Independent Living in conjunction with the Southwest Minnesota State University and will be held in Marshall, MN. My topic will be “The long term psychological impact of bias-based bullying”, which is based on my first book.

I am also excited about my next presentation on the topic of prevention of child sexual abuse based on my second book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”. This will be on April 21 at the Illinois School Counselors Association conference in Rosemont, IL. As I have stated before, it is really important for school staff (such as school counselors) to be well aware of the associated issues and how they can be helpful when needed to support young children in this matter. School counselors are well trained to be able to connect with the children, and that is why it is important for them to know how they can be helpful if a relevant situation arises. I am hoping for an eventful session with a lot of thoughtful discussions.

Here is another excerpt from my recently published book “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”:

“Without a good lawyer to effectively poke holes through the center’s highly twisted version of events, I would have likely lost that critical battle against the center’s management team. Had I lost the unemployment hearing (i.e., if the center management team was able to convince the judge that I was guilty of committing employment misconduct), I can all but guarantee that my employee union would not have chosen to back me and advance my grievance toward arbitration; a crucial move which eventually led to my receiving a considerable settlement.

In reality, I am darn lucky that my parents were both willing and able to assist me in this year-long legal ordeal. With the modest annual income of a child care provider, there was no way I could have afforded to effectively defend myself on my own. I’m sure the center’s high level managers and high price legal team did not bank on the fact that a little guy like me could afford to stand up for my rights! Yet having a professional lawyer advising me was of incredible value throughout the entire process, from the demand letter to the DHR claims and through working with my employee union. The legal system needs some changes to level the playing field for other employees as well, particularly those who are just as worthy but do not have a family willing/able to help them.

But even as our flawed employment legal system stands today, WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE TO STAND UP FOR YOUR BASIC RIGHTS AGAINST AN UNJUST EMPLOYER? Believe it or not, there are several easy steps which anyone can take to put themselves in a much more favorable position. Fortunately, these steps do not require money or any hard-to-obtain form of talent or representation. Rather they require paying close attention, remaining dedicated to protecting your rights and simply taking the time to advocate for yourself. Easy as it seems, most employees do not put in the time and effort necessary to prepare themselves for potential trouble at the workplace.”

On Tuesday April 11, I will be speaking at the Southwest MN Human Rights Conference addressing stereotyping, discrimination and other societal challenges. The conference is being hosted by Southwestern Center for Independent Living in conjunction with the Southwest Minnesota State University and will be held in Marshall, MN. My topic will be “The long term psychological impact of bias-based bullying”, which is based on my first book.

My presentation emphasizes the fact that ability to accept differences in people and to promote unbiased positive interactions are key ingredients for overall success for all of us as a society. If on a regular basis a child is concerned about having to deal with negative issues/events/incidents because he or she is perceived to be racially ‘different’, it is simply not possible for the child to focus on important academic and social aspects of school life. If a child has to deal with such an unsafe environment on a continuous basis, the longer term negative impact can be devastating.

When a person is bullied because of how he/she looks or how his/her name is spelled or pronounced, it can create major negative long-lasting impact for years to come. The purpose of this presentation is to describe a personal story that demonstrates how bullying based on cultural/racial differences can cause severe mental health issues for the victim, with a long-lasting impact that typically derails the victim from his/her normal developmental track. This is an extremely serious issue that often goes unnoticed and undetected during school years. Specifically, the presentation discusses the details on how prolonged bullying (based on someone being perceived as different) can trigger devastating long-lasting mental illness and how that impact can torment a victim long after the school years are over.

Here is an excerpt from my recently published book “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”:

I also firmly believe that there are many changes that need to be made with our current employment legal system. After reading my book and hearing the sordid details of my case; I imagine people will widely question why the center engaged in such maltreatment and how so much negativity and disorder was able to thrive, seemingly out in the open, at this particular establishment. In fact throughout this case, I myself have questioned many times why presumably educated managers repeatedly subjected themselves to such unnecessary risks and liability. However, I do believe the answer to these questions is far more simple than complicated: NOBODY IN AUTHORITY BELIEVED FOR A MOMENT THAT AN EMPLOYEE COULD SUCCESSFULLY STAND UP TO THEM.

But WHY would the managers at the center have been of this particular opinion, one might choose to question, and what role might our employment legal system have in promoting this belief in my employer? While many of the issues from this story are unique to the center’s environment, I believe too many employers take for granted that employees will not stand up for their basic rights. And perhaps even more unfortunate, is the fact that far too many employees also believe that they cannot dare to assert their basic rights with their employers! This especially rings true in today’s tough economy, where nobody wants to do anything to potentially jeopardize their job security.

On Thursday March 2, I had the exciting opportunity to speak at the Washington School Counselors Association conference in Seattle, WA, on the topic of “Prevention of child sexual abuse – role of a school counselor”. This presentation was based on my second book which focuses on what we can do more and better to prevent child sexual abuse. I was pleasantly surprised to note that the presentation was very well received by the school counselors with a lot of follow-up comments and discussions.

In presentations of this nature I typically start with a general description of the subject matter involved and why it is important to talk about it in a school counselors conference. After that I present a summarized version of the story I wrote about in my book. At the end I take a significant amount of time to discuss what we can all learn from the story – specifically focusing on things that could have been done differently to achieve positive results in a more timely fashion.

The last part of my speech is really the most important part of the presentation – the focus is on how to develop a preventive mindset so we can act quickly to provide the utmost protection for our children. If we (i.e., child protective services, law enforcement, court systems, school staff, family members, etc) can all work together in a preventive mindset, we can certainly do much better in preventing child sexual abuse.

Last week I had the exciting opportunity to speak at the Kentucky School Counselors Association conference in Lexington, KY. The topic of my presentation was “Prevention of child sexual abuse – role of a school counselor”. This presentation was based on my second book which elaborates on the challenges in preventing child sexual abuse. In this presentation I focus more on how school counselors might be able to intervene to prevent a possibly abusive situation. School counselors typically have a good relationship with a lot of children and can at times be in a position to be able to help if a situation arises. The presentation was very well received by the school counselors with a lot of follow-up comments and discussions.

One of the challenges I describe in my book is that our systems do not often respond adequately in a preventive situation, which means doing something “before” it happens, not after. If a school counselor detects a possibly abusive situation and reports to the “systems”, it is more likely that the systems will take some preventive action. In other words, a school counselor’s report will likely receive more attention than a report from an ordinary citizen.

Today I am getting ready to make the same presentation at the Washington School Counselors Association conference in Seattle, WA. I am looking forward to another exciting session with engaging follow-up discussions.

Just recently I heard in the news about another bullying related suicide – this time it was a 17yr old boy. We have to find a way to avoid these sad incidents. That is why I wrote my first book about long term psychological impact of bullying. Victims need help so we can avoid any suicides in the future. It is very real and is still happening.

Many in our society today still do not believe that bullying is a real problem. It seems that many people do not seem to understand that every child has his or her own personality. And that is why bullying does not have the same kind of impact on all children. Yes, it is true that some children are able to ignore it and/or fight back and are able to minimize the impact on themselves. But there are many children whose personalities are such that they are not able to ignore the bullying and are therefore affected very negatively. It is our responsibility as adults to make sure that we have a safe environment for ALL children.

Affected children develop emotional issues that can escalate if not addressed in a timely manner. As I travel around the country for my speeches I have observed that many schools now have counselors, social workers, school psychologists who do understand the issue and try their best to help the affected students. The situation is much better than it used to be 30 years back. But we still have a long way to go. ALL children deserve safe environment and we need to do everything we possibly can to make that happen.