Author Archive

As I travel around the country speaking about long term impact of bullying (which is based on my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”), I am noticing that more and more people are starting to develop a good understanding of long term impacts that bullying can have on the lives of young children. They seem to be getting the message that impact of bullying does not end just because the school years are over.

It is critically important for school officials to understand that the impact is long-lasting and can ruin the life of an individual and drive him or her completely away from the track that the individual was trying to pursue. Many school officials still seem to believe that once the school years are over, the impact of bullying is also over.

Over the last five years, I have now met several individuals who have been out of school for more than 20 years, but are still suffering from some form of emotional distress caused by PTSD from bullying. That is the message that I try to convey as I speak around the country. It is absolutely critical that school officials understand that their inability to maintain a consistent safe environment at schools can have significant long term impact for children.

One of the positive things about making presentations at professional conferences regarding prevention of child sexual abuse is that you get to meet a number of professionals across the country who are interested in this topic and are dedicated to work on this objective. It gives you hope and reassurance that things will likely change in the future if we continue the battle.

Unfortunately, this is one topic that many individuals in general do not really want to talk about. Yet we must talk about it so we can make the changes necessary to protect our children. I remember that when I was going through elementary and middle school, the same thing was happening about bullying. Most school officials were not willing to admit that there were significant bullying issues and they were not willing to take responsibility and do something about it.

However, today, most schools acknowledge the existence of bullying and actively try to do something to prevent it. Many schools have bullying prevention programs that have been put in place to discourage bullying. Although there are still many bullying incidents happening regularly around the country, it is fair to say that at least it is recognized as something that should be prevented and that school officials and parents have a responsibility in this regard. We probably still have a long way to go, but at least we have moved in the right direction.

I am hoping that it does not take us 20 plus years to get to a point when we can talk freely and openly about prevention of child sexual abuse and work together aggressively to make appropriate changes in our systems to protect our children.

I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. I know that it has been an eventful year thus far, but I hope that we can all take some time off and spend a wonderful holiday time with family and friends. I would specially like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has supported me in my mission to prevent bullying and child sexual abuse.

It was extremely encouraging to see a whole room full of counselors attend my session on “prevention of child sexual abuse” last week at the WVCA (West Virginia Counseling Association) conference in Daniels, West Virginia, on Nov 11, 2016. It is always encouraging to see this kind of interest on this topic. And the discussions following the presentation were inspiring and uplifting. Experiences like this keep me going.

This was not a very large conference – that is why it was even more encouraging to see the kind of interest the attendees had in listening to my presentation. During some of my presentations around the country on this topic, I find that people often do not want to get into detailed discussions about many of the issues associated with prevention of child sexual abuse.

However, at this conference, this was clearly a very well-received topic and follow-up discussions were both interesting and thought-provoking. The next step is to continue these discussions on a regular basis beyond the confines of the conference room. Child sexual abuse is a very real issue and we can make a difference only if we are able to speak up and work toward making some changes that will promote a more preventive mindset.

It was an honor for me to have the opportunity to deliver a key note address at the OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Awareness event in Dallas, TX, on Saturday Oct 29. I talked about how bullying had triggered my OCD and how it manifested itself within the disease and the steps I had taken to attain recovery. It was attended by many OCD sufferers, their families and friends, and a number of mental health professionals. It was a wonderful experience.

I would like to share the following heart-warming comments from a couple of the attendees:

“Hello. We are Henry and Jennifer, the parents of the 19 year old gentleman you met at your seminar in Dallas,TX this past Saturday at the Richland community college facility. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. Based on our son’s emotional response you can tell your story hit very close to him. Your story is a very emotional story. Dealing with bullying at such a young age and then OCD for almost half of your adult life. We are sorry this had to be your story, but we are very grateful of the person you have become. It cannot be easy to stand in front of strangers and re-visit what had to be the most difficult parts of your life. But it is obvious that you understand the importance of sharing your story with those who have shared the same struggles. And for that we thank you. We can only hope we can find the same courage to help those when we are called upon to share our son’s success story over OCD. Thank you for what you do.”

From: Henry, Jennifer and Christian

“My wife and I attended the OCD Conference this past weekend in Dallas, TX and were overjoyed to hear you speak. I could (painfully) relate to most of what you spoke of. I was diagnosed with OCD about 3 years ago and experience the “Pure O” type. Extremely unpleasant intrusive thoughts and that sort of thing. It was great to see you speak out in detail of your experiences and how you handled them. Just wanted to shoot this email your way to show my appreciation. I also bought a copy of your book “Life Interrupted”, so I am very much looking forward to reading that. Good luck with your future endeavors and stay strong!”

From: Ren H

I am looking forward to my two presentations at the West Virginia Counseling Association conference on November 10-11, 2016. My first presentation will focus on long lasting psychological impact of bullying, based on my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”. My second presentation will be on the topic “prevention of child sexual abuse – the role of a counselor” which is based on my second book.

I understand that both of my presentations will be attended by a number of school counselors from the association. I do believe that school counselors in general find my presentations effective in their interactions with children of all ages.

In my presentation about long term psychological impact of bullying I try to make the point that prolonged bullying can have very significant impact on emotional health of victims. The attendees do understand the point that this kind of impact can affect the victims negatively for a long time much beyond the school years.

In my second presentation I try to make the point that even one episode of sexual abuse could have a very significant long term impact on the life of a young child. A knowledgeable school counselor can keep his/her eyes open while talking to children and can at times detect situations that could be harmful to the child involved. They can then intervene by reporting to the appropriate authorities to check out the situation.

On last Thursday Oct 13, 2016, I had the opportunity to present at the OSPA (Oregon School Psychologists Association) conference in Bend, OR. The topic of my presentation was “PTSD from bullying triggers obsessive compulsive disorder”. It was well-received and we had some interesting discussions and exchanges.

On the following day, Friday Oct 14, I spoke to a group of school counselors. This presentation was at the OSCA (Oregon School Counselors Association) conference in Portland, OR. This time my topic was “Long lasting psychological impact of bullying”. Post-presentation discussions were extremely interesting. Whenever I speak to a group of school counselors I always remember to mention that it was my high school counselor who was able to talk to my worst bully and was able to get him to control his negative behavior.

Now I am traveling to Helena, MT, to speak at the MEA-MFT Educators’ conference. This presentation is scheduled for Friday Oct 21. This time I will focus on the topic of “Emotional health is critical for academic success”. My goal is to focus on the fact that negative school environment can have significant impact on emotional health of students, and that in turn can affect their academic performance. I am obviously looking forward to that presentation.

In my book about prevention of child sexual abuse I talk about my efforts in trying to prevent a situation that could possibly lead to abuse. However, in that process I experienced a most disturbing trend – almost from all corners (i.e., various systems and family members) I kept getting the message that I should not worry so much – I should just let it go because nothing bad would happen. That made it clear to me that we have a long way to go to develop an appropriate preventive mindset.

The Child Protective Services were polite in term of listening to my concerns, but it was clear to me that they were hoping that I would stop calling them and asking them to take some preventive action. The employees are all dedicated and hard-working, but it was clear to me that they did not have the time and/or authority to investigate a preventive situation and take some appropriate action.

The situation was similar with the law enforcement officials. They too gave me the feeling that they would rather see me go away instead of pursuing the matter any further. However, I was not willing to give up because this was a matter of protecting at-risk children.

We need to continue to work on this and make our society a better place, especially for our children, who are typically dependent on adults for their protection.

On Thursday Oct 6, I had the opportunity to speak at the NDASP (North Dakota Association of School Psychologists) conference in Grand Forks, ND. The topic of my presentation was “PTSD from bullying triggers obsessive compulsive disorder”. This presentation was based on my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”.

The main goal of this presentation was to raise awareness among school psychologists that bullying can have severe long-lasting mental health impact. School administration and staff often believe that once a student (who was a victim of bullying while in school) graduates, there is no impact any more. The purpose of this workshop is to emphasize the fact that for millions of victims of school bullying, that is not the case – in fact, many of them suffer for years because of mental health issues triggered by bullying. It is very likely that if these students had received appropriate guidance and assistance during school years the mental health impact would not have been as severe. This presentation is ideal for school psychologists because they have the unique role of working with educators, counselors and other school staff to detect and assist with any mental health issues among children.

Specifically, the learning objectives of the presentation were as follows:

• Recognize severe anxiety disorders triggered by PTSD from bullying
• Develop a thorough understanding of the way PTSD from bullying can dictate the development and progression of a mental disorder
• Apply the knowledge gained from this workshop to intervene and assist students who might need help in overcoming developing mental health disorders

In the story I describe in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”, I stress the importance of family members keeping a watchful eye on the children in the family. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, grand uncles/aunts, etc can all make a difference in preventive action by making sure children are not in a situation that could possibly lead to abuse.

In the story in my book I focus on the challenges I faced in my efforts to prevent a situation that could possibly lead to child sexual abuse. I found out that it was a challenging experience to try to get child protective services or law enforcement to take any significant actions in this preventive scenario. However, it turned out that when I was able to get some family members involved in this effort, it was possible to get the systems to act in this preventive process.

In other words, with the help of some family members, it was possible to dismantle a scenario that could possibly lead to abuse. However, it took a lot of time and effort to get the family members mobilized to take appropriate actions. Although in this case the outcome was positive, my hope is that family members would act more promptly when it is a matter of preventing the possibility of child sexual abuse.