Author Archive

I feel honored to have received confirmation that I will be speaking at the MEA-MFT Educators’ Conference in Helena, MT, in Oct 2016. The topic of my presentation will be “Emotional health is key to academic success”. The presentation will be based on my first book about impact of bullying on mental health. I try to make the point that teachers too have a role in maintaining a safe school environment so all children can learn and develop in a peaceful and positive atmosphere.

As stated in their website (mea-mft.org), MEA-MFT is the union created when the Montana Education Association and the Montana Federation of Teachers merged September 1, 2000.

I am excited about this opportunity since this will be my first visit to the state of Montana. However, more importantly this will be my first speech in front of a teachers’ union group. I honestly believe that in addition to their role as academic instructors, the teachers also have a key role in developing and maintaining a safe environment in schools. It is not just up to the administrators and the support staff (such as the school social workers, school psychologists, counselors, etc) to maintain a bully-free environment. In my book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”, I give examples of teachers’ actions that had encouraged bullying from students.

The teachers need to understand that their enormous efforts in trying to educate children is wasted when a significant number of students, who could otherwise do well in academics, end up with devastating long term impacts because of bullying.

It looks like I might have an opportunity to speak at another school social workers association conference in November 2016 on the topic of prevention of child sexual abuse, based on my second book. I am really looking forward to this opportunity because I feel that it is critical for all school staff to be well aware of the associated issues and how schools can help in this process.

I have spoken on several occasions to school social workers at various conferences; but all those presentations were on topics based on my first book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”. This will be the first time I will get a chance to speak to a group of school social workers about my second book which focuses on challenges associated with prevention of child sexual abuse.

Just like the school counselors, the school social workers can also have a significant role in prevention of CSA because:

(1) most children often do not feel comfortable discussing this with a family member;

(2) school social workers are often viewed by children as trusted adults outside the home/family;

(3) many of our systems such as Child Protective System or the Law Enforcement System are more likely to respond to a concern brought in by a school social worker

Some of the people who have read my second book titled “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” have commented to me that they could not believe how much patience and perseverance I had demonstrated in pursuing a positive outcome in this true account story. In response to that I often jokingly say that I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and therefore It’s not difficult for me to demonstrate obsessiveness to achieve a certain goal. However, the fact is that I firmly believe that we must do everything we possibly can to protect our children from any kind of abuse whatsoever. And if preventing something demands obsessive efforts, then that’s what we need to put in.

We have learnt how to protect our children from physical illnesses – there are many inoculations and vaccinations that are routinely administered to keep the children safe from severe physical illnesses. However, we, as a society, have not yet figured out how to protect our children from long lasting emotional impacts caused by incidents such as bullying and child sexual abuse. Families and communities (including schools, caregivers, service providers, and our systems) must demonstrate obsessiveness in preventing our children from any kind of abuse. That is the only way we can be certain that a child will grow up with a strong emotional health.

When we talk about a safe environment in schools we typically talk about creating and maintaining an atmosphere in schools where ALL children can feel free to be themselves and learn most effectively at their own pace. The most effective way school administration and staff can achieve this goal is by eradicating bullying that impacts millions of children negatively around the country. And this impact is often a daily reminder for the victims of bullying that their school environment is certainly not a safe place where you can look forward to growing and learning without any threats from anyone.

It is well known that a strong emotional health and a positive self-image are some of the key ingredients for academic success. It is not at all a difficult concept – if a child is concerned about having to deal with bullying on a regular basis, it is simply not possible for the child to focus on the academic aspects of school life.

Many schools do have programs in place that discourage bullying, and that is certainly a good thing. Many of the programs also focus on prevention, but very few truly focus on the root of the problem. That is why training for school administrators, educators and support staff must include understanding of the root of the problem at a very early stage. The school staff needs to understand that their enormous efforts in trying to educate children is wasted when a significant number of students, who could otherwise do well in academics, end up with devastating long term impacts because of bullying.

Just received confirmation that I will be speaking at the 2016 MACMHP (Minnesota Association of Community Mental Health Programs) conference in St. Paul, MN, on Sept 2. This presentation will be based on my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”. I am looking forward to the opportunity.

The following is taken directly from their website macmhp.org:

“As the leading professional association for community-based mental health providers, the Minnesota Association of Community Mental Health Programs (MACMHP) exists to ensure this essential safety net remains strong, vibrant and engaged. We do this by: 

• Serving as a proactive, unified voice of community mental health providers to drive public policy and advocate before the Minnesota legislature, the Governor and administrative departments.  

• Providing resources, training and networking to help community mental health organizations and their providers and staff thrive.

• Strengthening community mental health services through membership in the National Council for Behavioral Health.”

I am excited about this speaking engagement because it gives me an opportunity to speak to another group of professional community based mental health providers about the devastating long term mental health impact of bullying. I also hope to be able to emphasize the fact that many young children turn to bullying because of lack of emotional guidance and support in their own lives. Community mental health professionals can play a significant role in addressing these issues.

I felt honored to have been able to speak at the Missouri Psychological Association conference in Columbia, MO, on Friday June 3. My topic was “long term psychological impact of bullying”. This was based on my book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”, which focuses on devastating long lasting impact of bullying.

After listening to my speeches many mental health professionals around the country have commented to me positively about the thought-provoking observations and messages that I discuss in my presentations. They particularly appreciate the discussions on how the impact of bullying triggered the disease and how it manifested itself within the disease to torment the victim. They also appreciate my comments about the positive impact of a balanced combination of medication and therapy that is essential to achieve recovery from obsessive compulsive disorder.

I find it highly encouraging that mental health professionals find my presentations useful and informative. This is what motivates me to continue my presentations around the country.

Since writing my second book “Father Figure – My Mission to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse”, I have come in contact with many individuals across the country who truly care about preventing child sexual abuse. Most of these individuals agree on one thing – in many situations close family members had an opportunity to prevent the abuse, but were not able to take appropriate preventive action.

The main reason for this is that in most cases the possible abuser is someone who is well known to the family. And it’s difficult for the family members to deal with the thought that someone well known to the family will actually do something harmful to a child. And because of this, family members seem to ignore any possible early signs and do not want to intervene until and unless they can be certain that the person will actually harm a child. Unfortunately, by the time one becomes certain about this, it is typically too late.

We all need to educate ourselves about the impact of child sexual abuse – even one single episode can scar the victim for the rest of his/her life. If family members understand this well, then they will not feel bad in intervening even when no abuse has actually happened – that is the only way to ‘prevent’ anything bad from happening.

I am looking forward to my presentation next week at the Missouri Psychological association conference in Columbia, MO. This will be another opportunity for me to speak to a group of mental health professionals about how bullying can trigger a severe mental health disorder and how it can be devastating for a victim for many years.

As I prepare for my presentation, I am reminded of the following paragraph from my book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”:

“As I began the year in 2006, I felt I’d regained control of my life. In fact, there were many great days where I recall feeling almost 100 percent symptom free! While this peacefulness lasted for several months, I knew it wouldn’t stay forever. OCD tends to wax and wane in its nature, and can change over time like the weather. And I’ve noticed that after doing well for some time, my symptoms often slowly try to creep back. By now I have come to realize that this common pattern should not be unexpected. The simple truth is that one can naturally get spoiled and forget how to face their difficult fears after having a lot of good time. Therefore, the sudden reemergence of OCD symptoms can initially cause an individual doubts about the genuine progress they have made. “Oh my God, what did I do to bring this illness back into my life?! Where did I go wrong?! How can I handle these symptoms back in my life today?! Can I find my way through this stuff again?! Will it truly defeat me this time around?!”, are all common initial reactions to the reemergence of OCD. While this pattern may indeed continue, I now can choose and control how I handle my troubling symptoms. I can remind myself of the importance in choosing to welcome anxiety which presents itself as being unwelcome, and in deciding to face my OCD fears instead of trying to ritualize them away”.

In my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”, I tried to make the point that prevention means taking preemptive steps “before” something bad can happen. That would mean avoiding situations that could “possibly” lead to abuse. If one waits to see if a certain situation would for sure lead to abuse or not, then it might just be too late. We must all remember that even one instance of child sexual abuse can scar the victim for the rest of his/her life.

Some people at times get concerned that they might be over-reacting, and therefore, decide not to do anything – but it’s not ‘prevention’ if one waits to do something ‘after’ an abuse has already happened. Over-reacting is not a bad thing when it comes to protecting children from possible abuse.

A good example I often give to people is about home safety. Every stranger knocking on our front door is not a burglar or someone with a definite criminal intent. But that does not mean that we should keep our doors unlocked or wide open at all times. We know that the majority of the people coming to knock on our doors do not have any criminal intent, but, someone might, and to prevent that possibility the right thing to do is to keep our doors locked and protected. That is what prevention is all about.

Here is another excerpt from my book “Father Figure – My Mission to prevent child sexual abuse”:

The biggest reason why most ordinary citizens do not wish to become involved, even when they know it’s the right thing to do, is because they often do not understand who to report to, how they will be involved, what will happen if they do, and/or they understandably do not wish to suffer all the possible distress and repercussions. It is my foremost hope that Father Figure serves as a heartfelt, inspiring motivation for everyone reading it to also be willing to go to some or similar lengths for vulnerable children in your respective communities.

What happened in this true story CAN and DOES happen more frequently than people realize, and more frequently than any of us would further wish to acknowledge. In this day and age, with technology such as iPhones, the Internet, and Facebook, it is easier than before to take precautions and advocate safety on behalf of the children who we feel are at risk. I implore and challenge everyone reading this to take a moment today to reexamine whether there is a vulnerable child in your community who could possibly benefit from your help and involvement. If so, please find the courage and creativity to try and assist that child, of course with proper attention to the legal system and the laws of our society.

As a society, our children are our most valuable resources and are quite literally our future. Each one deserves the right to grow up feeling safe and respected, and to grow up in an environment free of all forms of abuse. As the adults, it is our responsibility and obligation to give each precious child that full opportunity. To all ordinary citizens reading this, I hope you will learn from this story.