Update

In the true story I describe in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” my purpose was to point out the fact that risks of child sexual abuse can come from various different directions. One of the messages I particularly wanted to stress is about the importance of family members and friends keeping a watchful eye on the children in the family. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, grand uncles/aunts, etc and family friends can all make a difference in preventive action by making sure children are not in a situation that could possibly lead to abuse.

In the story in my book I focus on the challenges I faced in my efforts to prevent a situation that could possibly lead to child sexual abuse. I found out that it was a challenging experience to try to get child protective services or law enforcement to take any significant actions in this preventive scenario. This was extremely surprising to me. However, it turned out that when I was able to get some family members involved in this effort, it was possible to get the systems to act in this preventive process.

In other words, with the help of some family members, it was possible to mobilize child protective services as well as law enforcement to dismantle a scenario that could possibly lead to abuse. However, it took a lot of time and effort to get the family members to take the matter seriously and to take appropriate actions. Although in this case the outcome was positive, my hope is that family members would act more promptly when it is a matter of preventing the possibility of child sexual abuse.

In my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder” I talk about the fact that reactions from bystanders can significantly impact how a bully treats a victim. I illustrate this point through the description of a most interesting encounter I had with one of the worst bullies from my past.

This revealing encounter clearly indicated to me the significant role a bystander can have in encouraging bullying. In this encounter my worst bully had mentioned to me that he used to do all those terrible things to me because “people laughed”. In fact, even if the bystander does not laugh or visibly encourage the actions, just by being there and witnessing it and not saying anything causes the bully to continue his/her irresponsible behavior. Of course it would be best if a bystander can step in and try to prevent the negative behavior – but as a minimum a bystander must not laugh or encourage the actions and should simply go away from the area and report it to the school authorities.

In my case, my long-term Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was certainly triggered by bullying – it is certain that the impact would not have been this serious if the bystanders had not encouraged the actions of the bully. Bullies typically do not thrive as well if there is no one around to watch their actions and/or to encourage their negative behavior by supporting their actions one way or another. Support from bystanders provides the boost that the bully needs to continue his or her unacceptable behavior.

My latest book titled: “MINORITY VIEWPOINT: MY EXPERIENCE AS A PERSON OF COLOR WITH THE AMERICAN JUSTICE SYSTEM”, is a true story about defamation towards me, a brown Indian man, by a white female hotel employee in a small northern town in Minnesota.

I ended up having to sue the hotel employee for defamation and surprisingly, the hotel supported her over me, their paying repeat customer, in spite of her unsubstantiated and untrue comments to the cops. The hotel’s insurance company paid ALL her legal expenses and hired top lawyers to defend their employee against me (while I had to pay my fees out of pocket). I eventually had my case dismissed much before trial likely due to less than commendable representation by a prominent MN law firm. The book provides details on what I believe were some of my lawyer’s errors and omissions which likely contributed to the undesirable consequences I derived from filing this case.

This book is full of information for ordinary citizens as well as for fellow people of color like me. It provides a lot of details about how defamation can spread through a community, what can actually happen in a lawsuit, with cops, lawyers, law firms, and the whole legal system including lawyers professional responsibility board, and how to fight back against alleged racism and defamation without resorting to violence. It informs people of color on some of the unique risks we can face due to not being part of the white majority, and how certain environments may increase such potential risk factors for us. The book encourages all to do the right thing for the greater good regardless of the final result.

Here are a couple of thoughts from my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”.

I firmly believe that there are many changes that need to be made with our current employment legal system. After reading my book and hearing the sordid details of my case; I imagine people will widely question why my employer in this story engaged in such maltreatment and how so much negativity and disorder was able to thrive, seemingly out in the open, at this particular establishment. In fact throughout this case, I myself have questioned many times why presumably educated managers repeatedly subjected themselves to such unnecessary risks and liability. However, I do believe the answer to these questions is far more simple than complicated: NOBODY IN AUTHORITY BELIEVED FOR A MOMENT THAT AN EMPLOYEE COULD SUCCESSFULLY STAND UP TO THEM.

But WHY would the managers in this organization have been of this particular opinion, one might choose to question, and what role might our employment legal system have in promoting this belief in an employer? While many of the issues from this story are unique to this employer’s environment, I believe that too many employers take for granted that employees will not stand up for their basic rights. And perhaps even more unfortunate, is the fact that far too many employees also believe that they cannot dare to assert their basic rights with their employers! This especially rings true in today’s tough economy, where nobody wants to do anything to potentially jeopardize their job security.

And when I was in need of witnesses to support my case, the majority of those I contacted did everything they could to not be involved in this matter. I am once again reminded of a statement commonly spoken by one of my coworkers, “Remember, it is not our place to question things, to ask the question ‘why’ or to try and bring about change.” It is this widespread belief among employees which causes so many arrogant employers to believe they are invincible.

One of the main characteristics of my book titled “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” is that it focuses on what a bystander might be able to do to protect children from possible risks of sexual abuse.

Most of the available books on the topic of child sexual abuse typically fall in one of the following categories:

• Research based techniques for interviewing and treatment
• Advice for parents
• Understanding behavior of abused individuals

In addition, most of these books are written by folks who consider themselves to be “experts” in this field.

In contrast, my book has the following characteristics:

• It’s written by an ordinary person and is meant for everyone concerned about child safety
• It has advice for parents, but purely from a practical viewpoint
• In addition to parents, it also has suggestions for many other groups in our society who need to be involved in protecting our children
• It makes the point that we are all responsible for protecting the children in our society – an average bystander can and should step in if the opportunity presents itself
• It focuses on several of our systems that are not always effective in a “preventive” mode
• It provides a lot of useful information for an average person through a story that most people can identify with.

The true story in my latest book titled “Minority Viewpoint – my experience, as a person of color, with the American Justice System”, describes how defamation (likely bias-based) spreads through a community, and what, if anything, can be done to fight it. It contains several aspects:
• How the defamation started
• How it spread through the community
• Actions by a hotel employee against an unsuspecting guest of color
• Inactions by a hotel manager/owner
• Inconsistencies in handling the case by a lawyer and his law firm
• Actions by police officers, both good and not so good
• Review by the appeal judges
• Mishandling by the Lawyers Professional Responsibility Board of a complaint made by me regarding the performance of my lawyer
• Likelihood of impact of racism in the actions or inactions by several individuals
I have personally learned a lot from this incident and I hope that many readers around the country will find the information very useful.
I have recently talked about this story in an interview for the WWBC radio in Florida. The interview can be heard at (if anyone is interested):
www.seetamedia.com/sumi-mukherjee/

My book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer” is primarily meant for employees having to deal with bullying and harassment in the workplace. But it also focuses on what kinds of things contribute to a negative workplace environment and how it can impact the organization. Here are some areas that could be very useful for employers who are trying to maintain a positive culture:

• All organizations should know about how to respond to workplace bullying and harassment incidents between employees as well as between employees and supervisors
• Improper handling of these situations can be harmful to the organization
• It is also important that all employers have a thorough understanding as to what kinds of things might constitute ‘harassment’ and what kinds of impact that might have
• Harassment in the workplace can come in various shapes and forms. However, in general it is about treating everyone the same way (i.e., fairly) no matter who the individual might be and how different he/she might be from others
• If an organization is not able to maintain a well-established approach in this regard, it may have to deal with difficult situations that might be significantly unproductive for the organization
• In general, it can cause several different outcomes that are typically negative for the company
• It is important for all organizations to have appropriate processes and procedures in place so that difficult situations can be handled through a well-established framework.

I have written my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer” because bullying and harassment in the workplace is a real issue for many organizations (irrespective of the types of products and services involved) and it is important for everyone to understand that creating and maintaining a positive and rewarding workplace is a very important objective.

Today there are many organizations in the country where the environment is not positive and a large number of dedicated employees are experiencing one or more of the following: (1) Facing day-to-day oppressive atmosphere in the workplace and do not feel empowered to do anything about it (2) Personal life is being affected significantly because of a very negative work situation, causing depression and other associated effects (3) Facing one or more different forms of discrimination and harassment, but do not feel comfortable in standing up against it (4) Facing undeserved consequences for doing the right things at work, but feeling helpless in fighting back (5) Not willing to report unjust activities at work (whistle blowing) because of fear of negative consequences (6) Are not aware of their rights in situations of this nature.

I wanted to write this book because I would like all employees to know that there are things one can do to protect themselves against workplace bullying and to fight back, in a non-violent manner, when appropriate. All employees deserve respectful treatment in their workplace. There is no reason for an employer to resort to maltreatment no matter what the circumstances are.

In my book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder” one of the key messages is about the fact that many victims of childhood bullying often ends up having to deal with various forms of anxiety disorders later in life. And these mental health disorders can significantly impact the lives of victims going forward.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of these anxiety disorders that many victims of bullying (like myself) have to deal with. It is a fairly common occurrence among victims of childhood bullying because OCD can control a victim just like a bully does. That is why OCD is sometimes known as the “enemy within” or an “internal bully”. Instead of a typical bully trying to control a victim from outside, OCD tries to control the victim from within. Impact can be significant but fortunately a good therapist, along with some medication, can help a person recover over time.

Many people do not seem to understand what individuals with OCD have to go through. At times some people may think that the person is being lazy and just doesn’t want to do what he or she needs to do. But they simply do not understand what a person with OCD has to deal with. It’s an extremely debilitating disease that can have an enormous negative impact on a person’s life.

It is unfortunate that in these cases even after the external bullying stops, the victims continue to feel tormented by the internal bully. It seems like OCD takes over from where the external bully dropped off. That is exactly what happened in my case. And as I go around the country speaking about this, I have come across many individuals who have had very similar experiences. The real solution is to eradicate bullying from schools.

I am excited about appearing for an interview on a podcast this evening to have a conversation about “impact of racism”. The podcast is “Humanity Chats with Marjy Marj”.

Over the last year I have had the opportunity to appear on several podcasts but majority of them dealt with bullying and mental health. The topic of my first book titled “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder” appears to be a very popular topic for many podcasts. That is understandable since bullying is still a problem in many parts of the country, and there is still a stigma about discussing mental health issues openly. I was happy to be a part of those podcast interviews since I strongly believe that we need to continue to discuss mental health issues openly so people will feel more comfortable in seeking help when needed.

There also appears to be a stigma about discussing racial issues. I strongly believe that we should also discuss these things openly so we can get to a better place as a society. In one of the podcasts I was asked to talk about impact of bias in childhood bullying. In my own situation, bias-based bullying was a key factor, and talking about it should open the door for further discussions and acceptance of diversity.

In today’s podcast with Marjy Marj we would be discussing that same issue about bias-based bullying as well as possible impacts of racism in other walks of life. I will be interested in bringing up and discussing the true story I described in my latest book titled “Minority Viewpoint – my experience, as a person of color, with the American Justice System”. The main goal will be to discuss things that can get us all to a better place as a society.