Update

Even in the case of workplace bullying, bystanders can play a significant role. If a bystander watches harassment and doesn’t do anything about it, then he or she is not helping in promoting a positive environment at the workplace.

We all know about the role of bystanders when it comes to bullying in schools. When some children are watching and laughing about an ongoing incident of bullying, then it only encourages the bully to continue his bad behavior. It gives the bully a platform that he certainly does not deserve. Something similar can also happen at a workplace. If an employee watches another employee being bullied or harassed and doesn’t do anything about it, then he or she is also promoting such behavior at the workplace.

In my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”, I have discussed this issue in great detail. In my case I know that there were some employees who noticed that our supervisor was harassing me, but they did nothing about it. Some of them came to me later and told me how they felt about it and how it was not appropriate for our supervisor to behave like that. But when the time came for some of these witnesses to come forward and describe what they had seen, most of them simply did not want to come forward. They felt they just simply did not want to get involved with anything legal. I was fortunate that finally one person did come forward and expressed what she had seen in detail, and that had helped my case significantly.

The bottom line is that it is everyone’s responsibility to do what they can to maintain a positive environment at the workplace. No one deserves to be treated badly at a workplace and all employees have a role in this. If you see something, then go to someone and say something about it. In most places, you can do this and stay anonymous.

Many schools around the country have training programs for school staff members about issues associated with child sexual abuse. This is an excellent initiative since school staff can play a significant role in detecting or preventing child sexual abuse.

Children typically spend a significant part of their days at their schools, and over time they develop a trusting relationship with a number of school staff members. And often they find one or more of the staff members to be the only trustworthy people with whom they can share some difficult personal struggles that they may not feel comfortable in sharing with their own family members. Often information about child sexual abuse or about concerns of possible child sexual abuse fall in this category. For various reasons children often do not feel that they can share these situations with their own family members, but they might feel more comfortable discussing them with a trusted school staff member. In my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”, I describe a true story about a young child who ended up disclosing being sexually abused to a trusted school counselor. Training all school staff members about all issues associated with child sexual abuse is therefore is an excellent idea.

In trainings like this, the school staff typically get to know all about child sexual abuse including key information, salient advice, and guidance on what child sexual abuse is, what it does, how it happens, how to recognize it, and what to do about it. School staff also receive training about noticing children’s behavior and finding any significant discrepancies that might lead to having a discussion with the child, which might then lead to detecting possibilities of sexual abuse or of concerns about sexual abuse. That is why trainings of this kind are a very positive approach.

Bullying must be prevented at all schools. And in order to prevent bullying, school staff must learn how to help the bullies – typically school bullies are asking for help and the adults around them are responsible.

Most of the times, bullies are acting out in a negative manner simply because they are having to deal with some difficult issues of their own that they are not able to resolve just by themselves. Maybe they are being bullied at home by other members of the family and the only way they can feel better is to take it out on other innocent children. Also, it is possible that their families are going through a very difficult time (such as divorce or other serious miscommunications between family members, death or serious illness in the family, etc) and their frustrations come out on other children. Typically these bullies are not “bad” kids, but they do not realize that their actions are hurting other children significantly. These bullies need to be in therapy so they can have a way to deal with their own issues.

In my book “A Life Interrupted – the story of my battle with bullying and obsessive compulsive disorder”, I describe an encounter I had (in adult years) with the worst bully from my middle school days. I learned a lot from him about what his home life was like during those school years and how he resorted to bullying to be able to deal with his own stress. Later I have heard from many other adults around the country who admitted to me that they too had similar issues to deal with at home and that’s what turned them into bullies.

It is important for all school staff to be aware of this so they can act accordingly to help bullies so that they do not have to resort to bullying other kids to relieve their own stresses.

If you are being harassed or observing misconduct at your workplace, it is important to disclose all such incidents to your employer in a manner that is appropriate and in accordance with the proper chain of command.

Here is an excerpt from my book “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”:

Many employees feel it is too risky to report inappropriate conduct involving their superiors to higher authorities, as was the case with many of my coworkers at the center. However, I firmly believe that officially disclosing your concerns in good faith is essential to protecting your rights in the long run and potentially building a case against your employer. After all, how was the unemployment law judge in my case able to correctly determine, over the telephone mind you, that I had been fired as a form of retaliation for my whistle-blowing activities? It is because there was a long line of documented concerns made by me to management, to the board of directors and to my employee union; all leading up to my wrongful termination. With a documented history of reported concerns, it becomes easier for the DHR or a judge or a lawyer to see how you were indeed a victim of retaliation. Once this pattern can be clearly established, the likelihood of prevailing and/or receiving a settlement naturally increases for you.

Along these lines, it is essential for you to disclose misconduct to your employer that may be either discriminatory and/or sexually offensive in nature. Remember, employers are not to punish or terminate you in response to your disclosing what you honestly perceive, in good faith, to be unlawful discrimination or sexual harassment occurring at the workplace. There are legal consequences for such improper actions. Even if the negative conduct you alleged is later found to have not actually consisted of discrimination and/or sexual harassment, it is still illegal for your employer to wrongfully punish or terminate you for disclosing your potential concerns of this nature.

There are still many people around the country who are not able to talk about cases of child sexual abuse or about prevention of child sexual abuse. We need to continue to talk about this to remove the stigma.

I have known adults who were abused as a child but did not tell anyone about it. It is important for everyone to know that they are ‘never’ responsible for how reporting abuse may make someone feel. A female friend of mine had once told me about how her mother’s boyfriend had frequently touched her inappropriately back when she was a teenager. Along with telling me that she had never told anyone else about this, my friend further stated that she didn’t tell her mother because she felt responsible for how her mother might feel if informed about the abuse.

Though we all know it is good practice to be thoughtful toward the feelings of others, there are some circumstances in life where it is both okay and necessary to be focused on yourself. Telling an adult that you are being abused is a circumstance where it is crucial for a child to speak up, and to not feel responsible for the impact they fear this information may have on the adult(s) that they share it with. Even if feelings are hurt and relationships are broken, it is always far better in the long run that children report being abused to adults.

While speaking around the country I was also surprised to find mixed reactions among professionals (such as school social workers, school counselors, etc) when it came to talking about child sexual abuse. I have presented at conferences where number of attendees far exceeded the room capacity, but I have also presented at conferences where there were only a very few attendees. When I spoke to conference directors about lack of attendees, most of them commented that “many of our members do not want to discuss this subject of child sexual abuse, but I still wanted you to come and present because they do need to listen to this.” That was an encouraging sign.

All children deserve a safe and positive environment when they go to school. School officials must make sure that an appropriate bully-free environment is there for all kids.

I firmly believe that a strong emotional health and a positive self-image are key ingredients for overall success in life. If on a regular basis a child is concerned about having to deal with negative issues/events/incidents, it is simply not possible for the child to focus on the positive aspects of school and social life. For academic success of all students it is critical to maintain a safe and nurturing environment for all children.

When we talk about a safe environment for children we must include discussions about creating and maintaining an atmosphere in schools where ALL children can feel free to be themselves and learn most effectively at their own pace. If a child has to face negative environment on a regular basis, it can lead to long lasting negative impact far beyond the school years.

The focus for all schools should be on the fact that every child counts. The schools must be focused on developing and maintaining a culture that has three key objectives – acceptance of differences in people around you, being kind and respectful to others as opposed to negative behavior such as bullying, and focusing on self-acceptance so you can achieve success in life. If schools can focus on these three objectives, then they will be able to truly provide the education all children deserve.

Bullying and harassment in a workplace can have a significant negative impact on an employee’s mental health. This simply cannot be tolerated.

Most employees simply want to do a good job, to the best of their abilities. They like to go to work, do their job and then they like to go home and spend time with their family and/or friends. During their time at work, they do expect to receive guidance, advice and/or directions from their supervisors or managers, but they do not expect to be bullied or harassed. If they are bullied or harassed at work, they will inevitably bring their stress back home with them and that will impact their personal lives.

Most employees do not like to respond back strongly against their supervisors or managers when they are being bullied or harassed. That is primarily because of two reasons – (1) they are conditioned to expect directions from supervisors and managers, even when they come in the form of bullying and harassment, and (2) they are afraid that if they responded back strongly, they might risk losing their jobs. As a result, they often end up tolerating bullying and harassing behavior from their supervisors and managers.

Tolerating behavior of this kind does not come at no cost. It impacts the employee’s self-esteem significantly and affects their mental health. Some employees may be able to let this go and not allow this to impact their mental health, but many employees are not able to let this go and end up with significant mental health issues. That is why it is important for all organizations to make sure bullying and harassment is not tolerated in the workplace.

There are many systems and services available in our country that can be helpful to families in preventing child sexual abuse. It is important to work closely hand in hand with systems such as child protective services and law enforcement to prevent child sexual abuse.

In the story I describe in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” I describe in detail the part played by child protective services in helping a family member protect a couple of children for possible risks of sexual abuse. However, I also mention that at the beginning I did not receive appropriate support and action from the child protective services.

When I, as a family friend and a private citizen, detected the risks, I contacted the child protective services, but I did not feel that they were able to place appropriate priority on this matter to be able to do something significant. Fortunately I was then able to make a family member aware of the significant risks for the children and was able to convince the family member to contact child protective services.

I do wish that the child protective services had acted upon my concerns immediately and had worked with law enforcement to take some appropriate preventive actions, but I was not totally surprised because I was aware that they might not have had the resources necessary to attend to a preventive situation reported by me. But I was glad to see that when I was able to get a family member to bring the concerns to the child protective services, they did well in responding to the situation. That’s why I would like families to know that this service is available to them if some red flags are detected by one or more family members.

It is important for school officials to keep in mind that victims of sustained childhood bullying can often end up with obsessive compulsive disorder or some other mental health issues later in life.

The symptoms may or may not show up during their school years. That is why it is so important to make sure no children are having to deal with bullying from others. It may seem like some harmless fun, but it is never that for the victims of bullying. Each and every instance of bullying impacts the mental health of the victim and as it continues on a sustained basis, the mental health status of the victim deteriorates on a daily basis.

When the bullying eventually stops, some of the children are lucky enough to be able to recover by themselves and get their mental health status somewhat back to normal. But for many others, it only deteriorates further. For these unfortunate individuals, the bullying gets transformed into a mental health disorder that might haunt them for many years to come and might even change their lives forever.

Most school staff do not have the opportunity of continued connection with all their students after they graduate. Once the students leave school they are generally out of the minds of the school staff. But it is important to know that many of them suffer for years to come because of what happened to them when they were in school. That is why it is critical that there is genuine focus on bullying prevention and appropriate therapy is provided to any and all victims of bullying so they do not have to deal with a difficult future because of the bullying they suffered.

There is no room for bullying and harassment in a workplace. Employees perform best in a positive and rewarding environment.

Most employees in the United States want to do a good job. They like to feel like they are contributing and earning the salaries they are receiving. That is why it really should not take a lot of work by the supervisors and managers to keep them motivated. However, the environment at work can have a significant impact on the performance of the employees.

Most employees like to see a work environment that is positive and rewarding. On the other hand, if they are constantly being bullied and harassed by their supervisors and managers, it is bound to impact their performance negatively.

It is true that it is the job of supervisors and managers to make sure everyone is performing well and is either meeting or exceeding their expectations. However, if someone is not performing, then yelling and shouting is not the answer. In cases like that, the supervisor/manager needs to work with those specific employees and go through a performance management process, which may include performance improvement plans including possible training and at times change of assignment. But it is never necessary to yell and/or shout at employees even if their performance is not satisfactory.

Some supervisors and managers believe that even for employees who are doing well, it is important to yell and shout to keep them motivated. But that is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Most employees will only become demotivated if there is bullying and harassment at work.