Update

Sustained bullying often triggers various mental health disorders for the victims. These can result in significant issues for the future of the victims. No child deserves this. That is one of the main reasons why bullying must be prevented.

The main purpose of bullying is to exert control over another individual, and in the process, make that individual feel horrible about himself or herself. Especially when a person is being bullied with a number of bystanders watching and laughing, it has a significant negative impact on the victim’s self-esteem. If this kind of blow to the self-esteem happens on a regular basis, then it is easy to see why and how this can trigger mental health disorders for the victims.

Now that I have spoken at numerous events in different states around the country, I have had the opportunity to meet many victims of childhood bullying. In a significant number of cases, the victims have described having to deal with severe mental health disorders triggered because of being bullied. And often it changes the course of a person’s life like it did in my case. I have met some grown-up adults, in their forties or fifties, still feeling the negative impact of childhood bullying.

More and more schools are providing appropriate trainings to their staff members about this matter. This is extremely important because some of these mental health disorders can start impacting children at a very young age. If school staff are appropriately trained, then it is possible that they might be able to detect some of these issues while the victims are still young. If these children are treated properly at an early age, we can hope that the negative impact on their lives will not be as significant.

There are times when employees have to deal with some stressful situations at their workplaces just because of the kind of work they do. They do not need any additional bullying and/or harassment from their managers or supervisors.

Most employees face some level of stress almost every day as they carry out their day-to-day activities at the workplace. Whether one is working in a restaurant or in a department store or in a hospital or in a bank or whatever the workplace might be, there is always some level of stress that one has to deal with on a regular basis. That is part of the job. The stress levels are of course different depending on the work setting and the level of a person’s position at the workplace, but no matter what, everyone faces some level of work stress on a regular basis. That is why it is important that there are no other additional stresses imposed on the employees.

In fact, it is a manager’s or a supervisor’s responsibility to make sure that they are providing the appropriate level of support to the employees so they are able to manage their work stress. Instead, if the employees receive bullying and/or harassment from their managers and supervisors, it only adds to the employees’ stress level. These situations will most likely lead to significant personal issues for the employees, specifically in terms of their mental health.

In summary, it is important for all managers and supervisors to understand that it is their responsibility to maintain a positive and supportive workplace so the employees can perform their tasks with minimum amount of stress.

Each and every child deserves full protection against sexual abuse. All adults, and specifically, family members and family friends must be willing to work together to keep the children safe from any possible risks of sexual abuse.

The true account story I describe in my book “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse” emphasizes the fact that all adults around the children are responsible for the children’s safety. In that story I was a family friend and I detected a significant risk to the children and therefore I decided to do my best to keep them protected. There were many frustrations and difficulties and roadblocks along the way. Many of my friends had tried to convince me that I should give up. But I didn’t, and that is the message I try to communicate to everyone – we simply cannot give up when it is about protecting children from possible risks of sexual abuse.

Interestingly, the person who worked diligently with me in this effort was also a family friend and a neighbor of the family. She too worked very hard with me all the way to make sure the children were protected. Like me, she also did not have any other motive other than finding a way to make sure the children were safe. She too faced difficulties and roadblocks, but we both decided to continue our efforts because it was critical to protect the children.

This is why I continue to promote the message that keeping the children safe is everyone’s responsibility.

Whenever I make a presentation based on my first book I get an opportunity to focus on both anti-bullying as well as mental health issues. I found it very effective in removing mental health stigma especially for school age children, which I believe is very important.

During the presentation I talk about my struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and how I persevered to take back control of my life. Here are some of the facts I talk about:

• My most crippling OCD symptoms consisted of my mentally picturing images of bullies who had tormented me in the past. These images would soon become further attached with an unspeakable irrational fear… that they would force me to hurt my loved ones if the images were not ‘neutralized.’
• For the first five years of my mental illness, my single greatest struggle and obstacle became simply telling someone what was going on. However, I was finally able to discuss this openly and got started with the therapy and medication that I needed to defeat OCD. At last, I was able to change my pessimistic perspective, willingly engage in cognitive behavioral therapy and begin to make significant progress with my illness. Eventually, I was able to derive a lasting positive impact after spending only 16 days in Rogers inpatient treatment facility.
• Today, I am thrilled to report that I have finally regained control over my once ever so incapacitating mental illness! Though my ordeal has now reached this much better point, there are millions of others out there who continue to struggle hard with similar issues on a daily basis. I am here to tell those fellow sufferers that this does not have to be their long-term fate. Just as I took back control of my life, they too are capable of freeing themselves from the powerful clutches of this or similar mental health issues.

Owners and managers who bully and harass their employees at work, have convinced themselves that there is no other way to get their employees to work their hardest. They need to understand that there are better ways to motivate employees for optimum performance.

In the true story I describe in my book titled “How to stand up to workplace bullying and take on an unjust employer”, it appeared to me that my supervisor simply did not seem to know of any other way of supervising. I felt that she was yelling at me whenever she was trying to talk to me about anything. Whenever she talked to me I felt that I was doing something wrong even when I knew for sure that I was not doing anything wrong. For some reasons she had accepted this notion that in order to supervise employees, she needed to yell almost all the time.

Organizations need to provide appropriate training to these managers and supervisors so they can maintain a positive and rewarding environment. And if, after appropriate training, some managers and supervisors are not able to change their approach, then they need to be removed from supervisory positions and placed in other non-supervisory positions. These are the two steps many organizations are not able to take. They often don’t provide appropriate training, or they do not try to find appropriate non-supervisory positions for the people who are not able to change their harassing and yelling approach even after receiving proper training. It is important for all organizations to keep in mind that maintaining a bully-free atmosphere is a key to overall success.

It is important for parents and family members to know that if they detect any red flags in terms of possible risks for one or more children, then systems such as child protective services and law enforcement can be contacted for assistance.

In my second book titled “Father Figure – my mission to prevent child sexual abuse”, I describe a situation where I detected a red flag in terms of risks for two young daughters of a single mother friend of mine. I worked hard to get the family members involved in trying to find a way to keep the children safe from this possible danger. The family members were able to work with the Child Protective Services to secure a couple of protection orders from the family court to keep the children safe from this possible danger.

In this process I have come to understand that systems such as Child Protective Services and Law Enforcement are typically extremely busy with numerous activities and aren’t always able to provide immediate attention to preventive situations. It was an even more difficult situation here since I was an ordinary citizen and not a family member. But once I got the family members involved, they were able to get the help they needed from the Child Protective Services to protect the children.

Overall I was satisfied with the results since the protection orders were certainly helpful in keeping the children safe. But clearly it was important for the family members to get involved.

I am honored to have received an invitation to speak at an event organized by the AshaUSA organization (ashausa.org) on Jan 26, 2020, in Edina, MN. The topic will be “Being Brown in America”, based on my first book about impact of bias-based bullying on mental health.

As per their website, “AshaUSA is a non-profit organization focused on creating healthy, happy, and harmonious South Asian communities by engaging and empowering South Asian women, men, and children through culturally specific programs and services. With the increase in population, challenges associated with acculturation in terms of health, youth development, and family relationships have become more distinct. There is a need for culturally specific programs that proactively address acculturation challenges for the South Asian community in Minnesota. ​AshaUSA will focus on implementing culturally specific programs that will proactively address acculturation challenges with the first generation immigrant community before they become major issues”.

I am looking forward to this presentation and am hopeful that I will be able to develop awareness about possible significant mental health issues triggered by bias-based bullying. I am aware that children are still being bullied around the country because of being “different’ in some ways. I hope my presentation will bring awareness to both adults and children as they navigate through this difficult phase.

There is no room for bullying and harassment in the workplace. Whether it’s a small company or a large corporation, every worker must be given the opportunity to work in a safe, positive, bully-free environment.

It really does not matter whether it’s a very small company with only a couple of employees, or it’s a large corporation with thousands of employees, it is important that all employees are treated with respect. Some employers and managers believe that the employees are getting paid for being there, and therefore, they must not complain no matter how they are treated. Well, the employees get paid for the work they do and the service they provide, and not for putting up with any form of bullying and harassment.

Most employees want to do a good job at their workplace. At the end of their workday, most employees like to feel satisfied that they have put in a good day’s work. They don’t need to go home having to deal with the after-effect of harassment at their workplace. If their performance is not acceptable, then that can be handled in a professional manner. All employees typically understand that there are job expectations that they must live up to and they are all aware that they will receive feedback and guidance about their job performance. But none of that has to be done in a harassing manner.

There is no reason why treatment at the workplace becomes the cause for a mental health disorder for an employee. It can be avoided and it must be avoided.

It is important that we continue to promote awareness about prevention of child sexual abuse as we move into the new year. This is an ongoing issue requiring constant attention.

The first step in prevention is to have the full awareness about child sexual abuse. There are many organizations that focus on awareness to make sure we are all prepared to try to prevent it. Awareness includes details on what child sexual abuse is, what it does, how it happens, how to recognize it and what to do about it. It’s also important to be aware of the statistics because it is not at all as infrequent as many people believe. One of the persons who has done extensive work in this area is Dr. Pamela Pine. She is the founder of the organization “Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse Inc”. There are also other organizations around the country who are doing some great work in this area.

Once a person is aware of the details about child sexual abuse, he/she will realize that it is extremely important for adults to take responsibility in preventing child sexual abuse and protecting our children. It is especially important for parents, family members, family friends, and other caregivers to be fully aware of the associated issues and work diligently to keep children safe from any possible risks. It is also important for ordinary citizens to be aware of the issues because it is possible that an ordinary citizen might suddenly find himself or herself in a position to do something about preventing possible sexual abuse of a child.

As the new year rolls in, we need to make a resolution to continue our efforts to end bullying in school all across our country so all children can experience a safe and positive environment.

It is unfortunate that many schools around the nation still continue to have to deal with bullying. No matter how frustrating this might be, all school staff must understand that this is a battle they must continue to fight. Children are not mature enough to be able to deal with bullying on a regular basis. They need help from adults around them. They expect the adults to maintain a positive environment so all children can focus on what they go to school for – “learning”.

It is also critical to understand that if bullying is allowed to continue, it can and will create severe mental health issues for many victims. We often read about many such victims around the country. During my presentations around the country I have personally met adults who are still having to deal with mental health issues caused because of bullying. Bullying is not just a minor irritating issue; it must be treated as a very serious problem requiring constant and consistent attention.

I hope all schools across the country will renew their focus on this critical matter, keeping in mind that many children’s wellbeing is at risk. Let us hope this new year will bring much more significant progress in this area.